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Monday, 21 January 2008
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Monday
It was going pretty well... Woke up early...
got to work early...
good healthy breakfast...
then i check my messages. I haven't been to work since Wednesday.
2 were from a florist saying that they had a delivery for me
Apparently they didn't have the complete address to my office and couldn't find the building.
So i had to call back and give them the info.
the order was placed before he decided to break up w/ me... I thought he cancelled the order commemorating our 5th month together which was on thursday
but i got them today... flowers from someone who broke my heart...
I thought everything was going fine... everything was great... feeling better... sleeping better...
Once i saw the card... i couldn't hold the tears back.
I'm not as tough as i thought.
Life is cruel... -
life is so cruel...
Saturday, 19 January 2008
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Purged
Day 3 of official break up 2008 (hahahaha)
i've been keeping busy...
drastic new hair...
there's been a new baby welcomed into the world a few days ago so I've been at the hospital visiting...
sleeping elsewhere than home
anyways... there's this guy (S.H.) from my past, around my sophomore year of college, that resurfaced unexpectedly... after a long long long time...
he's been making himself very available to me... so he happened to call right at the wrong time last night... at the peak of my drunken state and i THINK he asked me to call the guy who broke up w/ me so that he can talk some sense into him... so then i think i drunk dialed... CRAP...
to be honest... i totally blacked out. i don't understand how i managed to keep him on the phone for like 25 minutes... i hate it when i wake up after drinking and don't remember where i am or what i did.
so i tried eating for the first time since sunday (I didn't know that i could go like 5-6 days w/o eating a meal) and i actually got a lot more down than i thought... but the 2-3 bottles of soju "reversed" all my effort if u know what i mean hahaha
anyways - 1 good sign: i have my sense of humor back
hope that a good relationship with someone i can love is in the stars for me: still damaged and non-existent
appetite: non existent
feeling empty... a huge part of my life was just torn out leaving a huge gaping hole
I guess... it helps to know that i did everything in my power to make it work...
some people are worth the effort... some people aren't. I guess im not worth it.
Thursday, 17 January 2008
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"It's over... It's over... I'm sorry but it's over"
That's all i could hear over and over again...
feeling hopeless and lost but it's out of my control...
I've been ok for the last few days.
But I guess knowing that is over now is better than not knowing.
I guess there are just somethings that I really can't understand or explain...
no matter how hard I try... its no use because it always has the same result...
maybe it's really naive of me to believe that with hard work, perseverance, commitment, determination, and all that other good stuff... anything is possible.
you have taught me an invaluable lesson - sometimes there's just no point in trying.
I know... that as we get older we're supposed to get wiser... but... i don't see the point anymore in trying for a relationship that i've always wanted for myself. I just don't think it would ever happen. So... i guess... i should just settle. Stop trying so damn hard for something that someone's going to screw me over later for anyway.
"If you’re on your way,
I'm not gonna write you to stay.
If all you have is leaving,
I’m gonna need a better reason to write you a love song today.
Today.
I learned the hard way,
That they all say things you want to hear.
My heavy heart sinks deep down under you,
And your twisted words, your help just hurts.
You are not what I thought you were.
Hello to high and dry.
Convinced me to please you.
Made me think that I need this too.
I’m trying to let you hear me as I am."
Wednesday, 16 January 2008
qt_hannie
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- Name: Hannie
- Country: United States
- State: New Jersey
- Metro: Monmouth County
- Birthday: 4/7/1981
- Gender: Female
- Member Since: 5/16/2002
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About Me
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Hi Everyone! Thanx for visitin~ I'll try to update as frequently as possible~~ thanx to S1llygurl I found out about this so... visit her page too!!!
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